Paraprosdokians

 

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected and often humorous. A somewhat related word is lexophilia, which means a form of addiction describing those who are obsessively enamoured of words, especially those set in a new framework. Lexophiles tend to like paraprosdokians.

Submitted by Brian McLean
  1. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  2. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
  3. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  5. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
  6. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  7. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
  8. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  9. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  10. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Submitted by Jan Bauer
  1. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
  2. You know that tingly feeling you get when you're attracted to someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
  3. I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  4. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  5. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
  6. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Submitted by John Baird and Terry Ball
  1. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
  2. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
  3. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "did you bring the money?"
  4. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  5. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
Submitted by Graeme Russell
  1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.